Solomonisms

No, I'm not speaking in biblical terms.

Yesterday Tara and I spent the day at the Hirst's home, helping out with the kids and general things around the house. And throughout the whole day, Solomon Hirst had us in stitches with his matter-of-fact, amusingly serious remarks.
And so, I share some of them with you now.

"Sugar is bad. When you eat it, it turns into BAD FAT. Except, if Mom says we can have it, then it's okay."

Solomon: "You should never breathe exhaust. Exhaust is very bad."
Me: "Even worse than sugar?"
Solomon: "Yes. Some people like the smell of gas, but that is bad, because you can't breathe it. Only, if I have to walk by the muffler (he must have meant the exhaust pipe) it's okay to breathe the exhaust because I have to breathe."

Solomon was told to pick up some corn that had spilled on the floor. I was organizing books on the shelf nearby, and handed him a piece of paper to put the corn on. Obviously he was quite appreciative. "Miss Kathryn, thank you so much for this paper. It would be so hard to pick up all this corn without this paper - I would be here for a long time!"

In the middle of her nap, Samantha comes down needing a diaper change. Apparently she has a little habit of taking it off, but this time she had it on. Says Solomon to me, "Oh, I am so proud. Sammy kept her diaper on." After being sent back to bed, Samantha again comes down for no particular reason. Discipline is in order. Says Solomon with a serious expression, "I'm not proud anymore."

No offense to the Von Holten family, but... "Mr. Luke is a trouble maker. If there is trouble, Mr. Luke is there."

A couple more not from yesterday:

"Did you know- I can turn a steering wheel with one hand! And some people can turn a steering wheel with one finger!" (Mrs. Hirst makes mental note of this for when he turns 16).

We're camping, and little Nathan begins to wander further than he ought. Big brother Solomon goes after him, but can't pick him up or drag him back to the picnic area. He looks around for help, catches my eye, and calls, "Um, excuse me, Girl, I could use some help over here!"

"I know how to snap!"
Finger movement, but no sound.
"And I can do it with the other hand!"
Finger movement, no sound.
"And I can do it with two fingers!"
Finger movement, no sound.
"AND I can do both hands at the same time!"
Finger movement, still no sound.
Looks like he'll need to work on that.

Nathan is getting baptized and is not, well, responding very well to cold water being poured over his head.
Solomon, loudly: "I don't think he likes it."

Thanks for making us smile, Solomon! :-)